Beau and I had decided that we were done having kids sometime last year. At the time our family felt very complete and it was easy. Both girls were potty trained, going to activities, could get their own snacks, buckle their car seats, etc. We were set. Two weeks before I was set to run my half marathon in Moab, I was beginning to feel sick. I couldn't figure out if it was because of all the training I'd been doing or, what was happening so I took my last emergency pregnancy test (every woman still in her birthing years has one, admit it). It was immediately negative so I took a huge breathe of relief, didn't mention it to Beau, and continued getting ready for the day. Instead of throwing it away though, I put it up in my medicine cabinet and forgot about it.
Fast forward to about midnight that night. Beau and I were watching a movie and I got up to brush my teeth. When I opened the medicine cabinet I found a POSITIVE pregnancy test staring back at me...I think I died right then. Maybe it was just a twilight zone near death experience but, whatever it was, I started screaming at the top of my lungs. Our poor tenants probably thought I was being murdered upstairs because that was my only reaction. I was shaking and screaming and not making any sense. Beau sat up in bed and kept saying "You're freaking me out, what's wrong? Did you cut yourself? Are you ok?" Remember, I hadn't even told him about the taking of said emergency test so, he had NO idea. So, I showed him the test. He looked at me with his jaw on the floor, then rolled over and went to bed. Didn't say one word.
So I threw it away and we pretended for a couple of weeks like nothing was happening. Now I have a lot of friends who struggle getting pregnant, who dream about carrying a child and can't, etc. I know that you are all appalled at our reaction right now but, keep in mind, Beau and I felt complete. We were DONE. We had a thousand different things planned and none of them included another baby. I am not saying that we wouldn't love this child completely but, I will be honest because this is my blog and I can do what I want, and say that we were not happy. I was terrified actually. I still had a half marathon to run and our lives were busy.
Fast forward again to post half marathon run (I'll write about that later) and to Beau coming home from work one day with a bag full of pregnancy tests. "I think you need to test again, just to be sure." hahahaha I think he was more in shock than I was at this point. I had gone to the temple and come to terms with the fact that this was happening and it was going to be ok. Somehow, everything would work out.
However that didn't convince me enough to pick a doctor until 12 weeks. We also didn't tell anyone until I was 16 weeks. There were a few people who knew but, we kept it pretty quiet. I got a lot of negative response from people when we announced that we were pregnant with Evie and it caused major anxiety and negative effects in my pregnancy so, we wanted to keep this one to ourselves. I needed to be far enough along that if/when people said comments or reacted in a way that wasn't especially pleasing that I could handle it without having a full on meltdown. It was a personal choice for us and I'm very glad we did it. I was horribly sick. I mean, best rest, throwing up 8 times a day, sick. I am now almost 19 weeks and still sick though, it's not as bad. Poor Gracie would ask me questions all day "Mom, are you getting out of bed today? Mom, did you not wash your hands after you went potty, is that why you are sick?" I had/have really terrible motion sickness and electronic screen sickness (thats not really a thing but, it is to me) so I couldn't drive in the car, go to the store, etc. If there were too many lights/ too much noise I would get a headache almost immediatly and even if I just drove to the church, I would be vomiting right when I got out of the car. If I DIDN'T throw up after getting out of the car, the girls would cheer and give me hugs.
When I went to the doctor at 12 weeks everything looked great and she laughed at said 'well, you are definitely pregnant". There are some benefits to waiting that long before going to the doctor. One definite benefit is that instead of a bean on the ultrasound screen, you see an actual baby with arms, legs, etc. She told me that she thought the baby was a girl. Originally I had felt boy but began to be swayed when she said girl. I called beau after the appointment and told him that the doctor thought it was a girl. He was ADAMANT that it was a boy and told me that we should wait to speculate until we knew for sure. He was pretty sure this one was not another little lady. I told him not to be sad if it was.
We went into the doctor together at 16 weeks set to find out what we were having. Beau was almost giddy. He was never like this the last two times so it was kind of funny to watch him be almost nervous as we waited for the doctor to come into the office. She was a little late and I thought Beau was going to lose his mind. She finally came in and chatted for a minute then began the ultrasound. When she got to the gender she said "oh I think this is a girl!" And it looked like it, for a minute. Beau's face physically fell and he looked so bummed. I was happy. I had everything for a girl, I can handle drama, I know how to do little girls. But then, she looked again, and it was definitely NOT a girl. "Oh wait, nope, this is for sure a little boy." I think Beau wanted to hug the doctor. He said "Yes! I told you! I knew it!" He would have been happy regardless but, man, he wanted that little boy. I was in complete and utter shock. I couldn't stop laughing, which was kind of ridiculous. It was all so unreal. Twice already we'd been told it was a girl so, having her show me it was a boy just was such a bizarre feeling!
When we got home we grabbed the girls from my friend Jenny, who knew all along it was a boy, and we went to lunch. That was where we told the girls. They were so happy. Gracie has been telling me for a year she wanted "No more sisters but a little brother" so, she was excited. Evie keeps saying that she is going to be the biggest sister ever. Their happiness just completed our happiness.
To say I am completely at terms with the fact that we are having another baby AND that it's a boy, would be a lie. I am happy, content, excited, etc. But, also terrified. I'm not sure what the year 2015 is going to bring us but, I am so happy that 9 days before I turn 30, I will be adding another incredible spirit to our already awesome family. I will be a mother of 3...I only have two hands....not sure how this is going to work :)
